A humbled HEART

I have been looking forward to posting on this day for quite a few weeks now, but today my heart is saddened by the content this post holds. It was SUPPOSE to be a joyous topic but has turned sour and it is all that I can do to think positively and not dwell on my sorrow. very few of you knew that we were going to welcome baby #2 into our home may 2009. This post was meant for that good news, it was meant for a means to share our excitement about being parents to another child and for CC to be a big sister. I was waiting for today to post because today was my appointment with the DR. Today was my day to hear the heart beat and finalize the due date. I did indeed go to the DR. today but the outcome was not what I intended it to be. After a nurse and the DR. could not find the heart beat, I was taken to another room for an ultrasound. After not finding the heartbeat with the abdominal U.S. the last hope was used by and internal U.S. the ultrasound tech didn't even need to say a word I knew what I was seeing and what I was NOT hearing. He asked if I wanted a picture, I declined. My heart broke in that moment that I knew my baby #2 was gone..how long had he (I had many dreams it was a boy, In my heart he was my little guy) been gone, I don't know? His little body was there but spirit gone. I always thought that if something like this happened to me I would be fine and it wouldn't be very hard. I was proved ever so wrong about the feelings I would feel. My heart is broken, with all of the plans I had made for my/our future, for my pregnancy, for our welcoming of our baby in may, for our future as a family of four, all of these plans crushed and changed within a matter of seconds because of something I saw on a black and white screen. I told Kreg today that I hated the fact that I told a few people because now I have to tell them our sad news, but as the day has gone on I have felt so overwhelmed with emotions that the only way I can think about moving on is to write about it and move forward. I will always remember this Halloween day for many reasons, today is a day that Kreg and I have had to lean on one another for strength and comfort. Today is a day I am reminded that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and my way is not always his way. Today is a day that I am reminded of the blessings I have been given i.e. motherhood, I am so grateful that even though I lost one baby today that I still have my CC I couldn't be more grateful for her and the joy she brings to my life! I will learn from this experience and hopefully grow from it. I hope that my sorrow can comfort others in similar situations. I know how blessed I am and that this could be so much worse but for this instance I am given what I can handle and I am trying to be strong to overcome this trial.

Thank you to our families and friends for your comforting words (messages and texts). It is so nice to know that even though we are halfway across the country from everyone we care for that we are not alone.

I don't know what is in store for us next or if we will ever see that little spirit again but I do know that everything happens for a reason and that this is part of Heavenly Fathers plan for us. I know that families are forever and that means more to me today than ever before. I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life what comfort it brings to me especially in hard times.

I want Kreg to know how much I love him and I am so grateful for his strength and his example to me!

Wishing it were summer

Kreg's cousin Brittani informed me that it is 92 degrees in Arizona!!! It is freezing here at a whopping 40 degrees! Anyone who knows me well knows I hate more than anything to be cold! Oh how I wish heavenly father had a plan for my in AZ!! Where there is never ending supply of this...

Pumpkin Patch

CC and I went with our friends Sara, Sage, and Cala to a pumpkin patch last week. I only got two pics before my batteries died. It was ok though there wasnt a whole lot to see or do. we stayed for about an hour just because it was a long drive and we felt like we had to make it worth our while! It was fun playing with our friends though. There were some animals to see so that is all I got a shot of! This coat she is wearing was also mine when I was little! I love vintage hand-me-downs!!

This Little coat was mine when I was Cecily's age my Great Grandma made it for me~ It is one of my favorites for Cecily it is so in style right now and its really warm and of course its PINK!!
Cecily is definitely Wearing her easter dress under her coat and it is still a little big...I sure do love my peanut!

Halloween Festivities

This pic is of CC last yeat on halloween! SHe has changed so much in a year!


Last night was our ward Halloween party. Cecily was a Lady Bug! My sister and I made the tutu and wings for her costume. We didnt stay long but had a good time visiting with some new (to us) people in the ward (we still are getting to know everyone). There was a Chili cook-off I won 3rd Place ! Pretty good for this only being my second time making chili! Thanks to Robin Miller's Recipe. Cecily had a fun time playing on the chair and Kreg had a fun time talking with some of the guys in the ward about law school and eating treats!

Childrens museum and Zoo

We went to the children's museum this week with Kreg while he was on fall break. CC had a lot of fun! Kreg and I had fun to there was so much for the kids (and parents) to explore. Cecily is still to young to really get into alot of it so maybe next year we can fully take advantage of the place! Our favorite was the room with music and instruments the kids could go on stage and sing and dance while they were being filmed and put onto TV! Cecily loves dancing so she went up with the mic and did her thing it was so funny!

We went to the Minnesota Zoo yesterday which was really cool as well. I didnt know what time it closed so by the time we got there we only had an hour. we rushed to see as much as we could but its a big place so we will for sure go back and have more pics to share!

 CC looking wild after a nap

CC and I went with some friends to the mall yesterday to play in the play land. Cecily really liked climbing on this Snow Mobile. Watching her made me realize she really isnt a baby anymore:( she is totally a toddler and loving it! Its so fun to watch her learn how to do new things every day! I can never get enough of this little diva!!

Cold=Hats

Aquarium

We have a membership to the underwater aquarium at the Mall of America so we frequent there about once a week. This week Kreg is on fall break so we went as a family, we figured out the aquarium setting on our camera so it was fun to take pictures of the fish and each other! CC loves going to the aquarium..I think she likes the moving sidewalk better than the fish.

I couldn't think of a title for the post since its just mostly pictures. My Mom gave/made CC some Halloween outfits so these pics are mostly for her to see her in them. We also went to the sculpture gardens downtown Minneapolis yesterday. It was a really nice day so it was perfect for being outside!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN MOONED!!
(Devvy sent this to me and I thought it was to funny not to share!)

Summer

I feel like I read everyone's blog and all they talk about is how fall is their Favorite season and how much they love the cool weather... Dont get me wrong its fun to see the leaves change and know that the holidays are coming but other than that I dont LOVE fall.

I LOVE SUMMER!!! Im sad to say goodbye and start counting down until there are longer, warmer days!! Just a few things I love about summer!!! (its a little cold outside today so these are images Im going to dream about tonight!! So long summer for now!!)